You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish my penis had an off switch
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
