So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
