She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
