his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
