I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
