You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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