she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
