Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
