the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
