Pappa wants mamma naked
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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