Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
