all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
