I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
