dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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