I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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