Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
