He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
