WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
