apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
