so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
