lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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