Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think people are normalizing furries
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
