Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
