I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
