PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
