My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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