Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
