I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
