So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
