College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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