watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
