She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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