hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
