yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
