guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
