Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
