To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
