He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
