Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want nice things and good sex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
