The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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