When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
