If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
