I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
