if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
