btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
