I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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