whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
