Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
