I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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