Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
