i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
