that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
