Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
