sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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