Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
