So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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